Fatherhood

Yes it's selfish enough to be not mentioning it as "Parenthood" instead of fatherhood because it's a joint effort of me the 'newly born father' and the 'newly born mother' - my wife.

But it's again very personal enough to be writing about fatherhood than a mixed generalized view that is parenthood. I honestly cannot feel the motherhood because as I look at it, it feels much greater than my own tiny efforts starting from the very conception to giving birth to bringing up a child, starting from the very day my wife's pregnancy test came positive.

So what's this fatherhood all about?

Well the first thought that struck me holding my son for the first time was "now a father is born". I was more scared about grooming myself as a good father than my son growing up to be a good person because ultimately my son's well being is resultant of how good I succeed as a father.

The beginning of fatherhood starts with some so called 'sacrifices'. Late night football matches, movies, loud music, parties and so on. You may think you have to sacrifice these the day you get married but you can fight for it with your wife. But now, not with your child.

But the interesting part is the love of doing the diapers and the milk bottles for all that you've sacrificed and that's why I don't feel like it's sacrifice. I'd do that again and again and again any given day. It's difficult to explain to someone who's not a father yet. ABSOLUTELY NOT POSSIBLE.

Then comes the personality change part. Now you're no more who you were. You are a changed person. And it takes a keen eye to realize that. I mean the eyes of a third person. Only THEY can come and tell you that you've changed. Then there may be a weird instance when YOU realize that you've changed. Once in a while you'll realize yourself dancing alone in the room to amaze the little one and you don't feel stupid at all.

Then comes the insecurity part. I realized that I was getting jealous when my son showed some affection towards someone else. Even my wife and his mom. It's obvious for a son or any child to be more close to the mum than the pop. But no matter what it makes you spit green. And you do make those futile attempts, sometimes escalating to the level of kidnapping your own child and keeping him away from his mum, so that he is closer to you. But the bottom line is "It doesn't work".

The obsession part. I realized that I have pictures of me and my son or just my son everywhere. The mobile wallpaper, FB profile picture, the desktop wallpaper and even the windows profile picture and the social media posts. My gallery is just filled up with my son's pictures and I don't get tired looking at them again and again.

The fear of growing. Since I have just one kid and the second one may not be a possibility, I fear that he's growing so fast. What am I gonna do when he's all grown and not at all cute and when he's not spelling out new words everyday or nagging me to wrestle with him every night before sleep? If only God could keep him the way he is right now. But that's not going to happen.

So, well this write up will never end because there are new things happening that are worth mentioning even while I'm typing. But at least I want people to know about it through my experiences about what it's like to be a parent. It's AMAZING.

And I've got my own things planned out throughout his growth. Just hope that he'll enjoy accompanying me and my wife (nearly forgot) in these adventures to come.

Only when you become a FATHER can you call yourself a COMPLETE MAN.